My favorite wrap

Before I had Sunday, I would tell Tommy regularly "I am going to wear the baby all. the. time." "It'll help me lose weight."

"I'll go on walks while wearing the baby."

"I don't need a stroller that will fit in the trunk. I'm going to wear the baby."

Hah. Ha. Hahahaha.

I said so many things before Sunday arrived... :)

So, apparently, when a baby falls asleep in a wrap something weird happens. You kind of lose control of your posture and you slunch down into a position that curls baby closer to you. And then you don't move. At all. You know, in fear of waking the baby. And then your back gets sore and your posture is all messed up and... and... Well... no surprise here. That gets old. Fast.

When Sunday was about two weeks old I tossed out the idea of wearing her all the time. Every now and then when she seemed to just need to be held all day long, I would strap her on and halfway do my chores. (She hated when I did the dishes and her feet would bang against the counter top.) But other than that, I mostly only wore her when I was out of the house running errands or visiting friends.

A few weeks ago my friend Jessica showed me her collection of wraps, slings and structure carriers. She let me borrow one to take home to try and I fell in love with it. It's the one many of my FB friends have seen in pictures:

Sunday loves it. She has gotten used to it and she curls up next to me when I plop her in it. She lays sweetly against my chest and calmly observes the things around her until it's sleepy time. Then she tucks her little head down, nuzzling into the darkness and drifts off to baby sleep heaven. I can feel it happen as her weight suddenly becomes heavier and she just relaxes. But I stay comfortable.

I love it. She loves it. It's a win/win.

A lot of people have asked me where I got the wrap. I got it from my friend Jessica. I offered to buy it from her after trying it out for about a week. The other day I was with her and I asked her to tell me the story of the wrap because so many people had asked me. So, here's how Jess got this wrap into her hands (I hope I got this right!):

1. Jess and another girl went in together on a didimos linen wrap (size 7, I believe).
2. They split the wrap in half (I believe they paid to have this done professionally).
3. Jess took her 3.5 wrap and paid to have it converted to a ring sling (called: wrap conversion).
4. Jess continued to collect numerous wraps, slings and carriers and felt there was no need to keep this beautifully crafted wrap-conversion-ring-sling.
5. Jess sold it to me.

So, when people ask me "Where did you get that? Can I get one?" The answer is not an easy yes. But, yes, you can get one! It is a drawn out process, but I have to tell you that I believe it is completely worth it. I will use this ring sling for many years (if God blesses us with more babies, that is). I have zero plans to ever get rid of it. I LOVE it!

You may ask... what is the difference between this wrap and a regular ring sling from the store? The quality, the fabric, and the strength. Regular ring slings are often made of thinner material and they don't offer the same support as a wrap. They are uncomfortable, especially after baby falls asleep and you've got dead weight strapped to your torso. The sturdiness of the didimos linen wrap material is THE reason I would pay more $$ for a wrap-conversion. :)

So... I hope I answered your questions! I was getting a lot of feedback and I wanted to lay it all out in one place for you guys. I know I made it seem complicated... but let me just make sure you heard me right: It is worth it! I'm tempted to go through the process myself just to get another color. But, that would just be silly and I know it. ;)

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UPDATE: Luckily I have friends who aren't afraid to correct me when I'm wrong. :) As it turns out, DIDYMOS now actually offers wrap-converted ring slings right on their website. PAXbaby also sells them with completely different color options. Of course I make everything more complicated than it needs to be. Oops! :)

letters to sunday | month three

My sugar bear,

I never thought I'd be one to have little cheesy names for my kids (or for anyone in my life)... but I just cannot help myself with you. I love all of the silly feelings of affection that spill out of my heart through ridiculous words and sing-songy voices. It's probably ridiculously entertaining for anyone who observes my interaction with you. I can't help it - you love it and I will do just about anything to make you smile.

The past few weeks have been tough on my mama heart. We're trying to teach you to fall asleep on your own and it has really been hard for me. You just find such comfort in drinking yourself to sleep. It's so sweet and cuddly of you, but we are trying to teach you how to fall asleep without eating. It's one of my first big challenges of parenting. You are getting the hang of it... but you really don't like it. And I don't really like it either. But I know it's better for the both of us.

You are beginning to practice rolling over! It's so fun for me to watch you try. A couple of times I've helped you make it the last little bit and then you get all upset because suddenly you are on your tummy and you don't like it at all. Oh, my silly girl. :)

You are officially out of all newborn and 0-3mo clothes. I have sorted the clothes in your room probably 5 times in your short little life. I can't believe how quickly you grow!

As it turns out, you continue to refuse any sort of pacifier or bottle. In fact, I got so desperate last week that I pulled out the sippy cup for you to try. And when I warmed up that valuable breastmilk and you refused it yet again, I spoon fed it to you. I just couldn't bring myself to throw away another bottle of milk! The spoon feeding actually went pretty well... but I can't really expect a babysitter to try that in the future. So I plan on continuing my efforts to familiarize you with the sippy cup.

You are beginning to really enjoy all of the baby entertainment centers we have around the house for you (okay, just two). It was just the other day when I noticed you were starting to explore the little animals and color wheels on your jumping set for the first time. It was so fun to see you noticing new things! But you are just as happy laying on the couch with a dry washcloth in your hands, too. And that makes me a proud mama. :) My easy to please little girl!

Together we are still trying to discover a good routine for the both of us. Lately your napping needs have been completely unpredictable. I've sort of given up trying to go out and do much for the next few weeks. I'm determined to figure out a routine for the both of us and if that requires we stay at home for a little while, then I'm okay with that. I'm just crossing my fingers that our time at home will pay off with a routine... eventually!

Oh! We pulled out the disposable diapers. I bought some for a trip this past week and when we got home, your dad unloaded everything from the car except those diapers! I laugh at him, but I do think it's pretty adorable that he wants you to be his all-natural babe.

Oh Sunday... it is so fun watching you grow. There are days when I can't wait for you to sit up and grab at toys or crawl around... and then some days when I want you to remain my small little cuddly girl. I do my best to cherish each fleeting moment with my beautiful baby girl.

Mama loves you!

who knew? | new eating habits here we come

So I grocery shopped this week with all of my knew food knowledge... and what do you know, I learned even more! First, I sadly had to face the fact that I had a handful of items in my cart high in fat: cheese, coffee creamer, almonds. I DID read the nutrition label before putting them in my cart and decided I didn't care that they were high in fat, they are staples in my home and at least they weren't high in sugar. They had hardly any nutritional value. (I had a bag of these almonds, not plain almonds.) Of course I had the all-too-familiar thought process of "maybe next time I'll leave them out." Yeah, that'll get me far. Hah. But it was good to recognize and accept that I was not making the best choices, at least. Baby steps!

So, how bad were they?

I walked down the bread aisle and caught a glimpse of a rack of Little Debbie products. For fun, I grabbed a box of cakes to read the nutritional label. To my surprise, the fat content in my high-fat items in my cart EQUALED the fat content in the Little Debbie products (I checked a couple of boxes just to make sure). I would never eat a Little Debbie cake (okay, maybe once a year and I'm reminded why I don't), but I'll consume equal amounts of bad nutrition in other foods? Wake up call!!

So... I am on a mission to lower the amount of cheese and cream brought into this house. I even started this morning with tea instead of coffee + cream. New habits... here we come!

Speaking of new habits... I bought a whole chicken for the first time, ever. If you are anything like me, you have never cooked a whole chicken and you are clueless about how to do it. Well... exciting! I found a great website with a super easy crockpot recipe for a whole chicken. It even has steps to take after it's cooked to preserve the extra meat for other recipes. Be sure to read through the comments for tons of other fab ideas.

Can you tell I'm super excited about this?! I'm off to prep the chicken and get it in the crock pot for tonight's dinner. :)

letters to sunday, month two

My precious baby girl, This month brought so many new developments in your sweet little life. You recognize me now and you smile when I talk to you. I have even caught you laughing in your sleep!

Speaking of sleep... you are the best night sleeper ever. Bed time is immediately after daddy gets home (and should probably be earlier but then you would only see daddy 3 days a week) around 7pm and you sleep solid until about 4am. Then you eat quickly and sleep again for another 2-3 hours. I thank my lucky stars every single day that you are such a wonderful night time sleeper.

You are learning to entertain yourself and you don't need to be held constantly anymore. You sit on your own longer and longer between feedings and naps... giving mommy lots of free time to get things done. And she is oh so grateful. :)

You have met many new friends this month. Between the new babies at the cafe and all the new babies that have arrived in the past few months, we are never short of someone to meet and play with. I can't wait until you begin interacting with other children, but for now I cherish the moments that you interact with just me.

You are a wiggly little thing! Just in the past few days you have gotten a lot more active, kicking your feet and swinging your arms constantly. This morning I came into your room and found you completely sideways in your crib! Oh the changes that continuously unfold... we love it!

Your dad adores you. He is constantly telling me how cute you are - as if I didn't know that already. He is an expert at getting you to fall asleep without eating at the same time - something I wish came as easily for me. But it's okay, I really enjoy our feeding times that we share. You are a good little eater and you have been since the hour you were born.

You LOVE the bath! And you even love the shower, with the water splashing on your face. This makes your mama SO happy because she loves the water and hopes to create many summer time swimming memories with you. So far it looks like we are on our way. :)

Breastfeeding was a bit of a struggle for us in the beginning and it scared me away from giving you any artificial nipples for a while. But the last few weeks we have been trying to get you to take a paci and a bottle (shhh, don't tell the doula!) and it turns out... you are NOT a fan. However, mama's persistent and we shall keep trying.

You sleep best during the day in your car seat. This makes exercise even easier for mama... you fall asleep super fast once we get going on our little jogs. Thank you for being such an easy babe.

I can't wait to watch you grow and continue to develop into the beautiful little lady that you are.

Love always,

Mama

reflections on having a home birth

Below is a collection of thoughts I've had about Sunday's birth while either preparing for it, experiencing it, or processing it. I understand my thoughts may bother some people, open a debate, or otherwise simply annoy others. Please know it is never my intention to offend anyone and my hope is that perhaps someone, even if it is just one person, will be inspired by my rambling to further research and educate themselves on their own childbirth options. It is important for you to know that I am not an expert nor do I consider myself an expert in this field at all. These are simply my thoughts and experiences from my pregnancy and labor with Sunday. Being my first go-round, I learned and processed a lot. Below is my little collection.

• People are quick to assume that having a baby at home is equal to having a baby alone in your bathroom with no medical professional around. Not always true (and not true for me).
• I lost count how many times people said to me "If I had had my baby at home, I would have died." First, please don't ever insinuate to a pregnant woman that she could possibly die during labor. We all know it is possible. You saying that is not going to make her to change her mind. Second, as soon as those words were shared I knew immediately that the person saying them was unaware of the midwifery model of care. While it couldn't be more opposite from a doctor's model of care, just because it is different doesn't mean either model is wrong.
• The midwifery model of care is based on the fact that pregnancy and birth are normal life processes, using intuition, observation, and very minimal intrusion. I spent 9 months of pregnancy (trying my best) eating healthy, exercising, accepting the educated advice and guidance from my experienced midwife, having my urine tested at every appointment, and accepting less-risky alternatives to GBS, Strep-B and blood testing. My midwife observed me throughout the nine months, we had an open relationship about how I felt physically and mentally, and together we trusted my body and both of our intuitions to communicate to us if there should be anything to be concerned about.
• I feel extremely blessed and thankful to God for a healthy, normal pregnancy and a complication-free delivery. While I tried my  best to do all that I could do (eating well, taking vitamin and mineral supplements, staying active, and choosing a less-intrusive model of care), I know that there are so many things I have no control over and I cannot express how grateful I am that everything went as smoothly as it did. I credit only God for that.
• I cannot imagine making the transition from hospital (read: 24/7 assistance and company) to home so soon after delivering a baby. I know I was emotionally all over the place those first few days after having Sunday and it was an adjustment enough for me to be awake and stuck to a baby every 2 hours on the hour. Moving myself and baby from a hospital environment to a quiet, empty home environment would be a whole other situation to process. I am grateful I did not have to do that.
• I am not sure that I could have avoided the temptation of an epidural had I labored in a hospital.
• I did not deliver Sunday naturally because I wanted to have a natural birth. I had a natural birth for two reasons: 1. I wanted to deliver at home and it was my only option, and 2. I wanted the least intrusive birth experience possible. But it wasn't about "the experience" of doing it naturally... if that makes sense.
• I was inspired to research home birth options after I photographed a home birth in 2009. It was the most calm, intimate, and enjoyable birth I had witnessed (I had witnessed a handful by that time) and I left that birth positive that I would also attempt to have a home birth.
• When I got pregnant, Tommy asked if he could name the baby "Jubal Bedford." Jokingly, I said "Sure, if I can have a home birth." He immediately responded with "I think you should totally have a home birth, that would be awesome." And I was suddenly freaked out. And definitely not okay with the name Jubal Bedford.
• It took some time for me to feel comfortable having my pre-natal appointments in a living room (midwife) vs. the comfort of a doctors office. I grew up going to the doctor, so in my mind, the Dr's office had all the answers and security. It wasn't until I was about 5 months pregnant that I truly felt comfortable and confident in our decision to have a home birth. Had I not come to that place of confidence, I would have transferred my care and delivered in a hospital.
• I recognize now how important it is for a woman to deliver her baby where she feels the safest and most secure. For more on this, check out Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. That book was, hands down, the most influential for me during my pregnancy. I began to really trust my body and my intuition after reading it and I now recommend it to all of my pregnant friends. (Here is a great, unbiased review of the book from a father-to-be.)
• I was not once checked for dilation before or during labor. While it can be exciting to know "how far dilated" you may be, I found that it was neither helpful nor hurtful to know or not know. However, being checked does have health risks and the more often you are checked, the higher the risks. I was encouraged by my amazing doula to avoid being checked and I can say I do not regret my decision to stick with that plan.
• It's kind of fun to tell people you're doing so many things "out of the norm." Home birth, no scheduled induction, no dilation checks, no sugary drink for the diabetes test, etc. That was a little too enjoyable for me.
• I found myself surprised by how many women are pregnant and completely in denial about birth. "Don't talk to me about labor, it freaks me out." Unfortunately, I have taken that same mindset with other aspects of my life and wish, in retrospect, that I had been educated about options ahead of time. I didn't want to have that same regret about birth.
• I am so grateful I hired a doula and do not plan to ever deliver another baby without a doula by my side. Laurie ran the show, comforted me, coached me through a birth that could have lasted hours longer had I been stuck in one position, encouraged me, encouraged Tommy, and nurtured us.
• I am also grateful that I hired a doula who was also a certified lactation consultant. I had complete confidence in my ability to breastfeed as long as Laurie would be there to coach me and make sure I was doing it right.
• I cannot believe how badly breastfeeding hurt at first.
• In fact, motherhood itself is the most physically painful thing I have ever experienced. From the discomfort of pregnancy, to labor, delivery, the pain of getting started with breastfeeding, to the soreness in my body from losing core strength during pregnancy... I didn't realize how much of a BABY I was. And how low my pain tolerance is as well. Good to know now. :)
• Slowly, but surely, motherhood gets better daily.
• I have no regrets about having a homebirth. I am so glad we did it and by the grace of God, we'll do it again.
• If I could change anything about my pregnancy and labor experience I would: eat better & exercise throughout the pregnancy as well as take a hypnobirthing class. I could use a bit more relaxation next time around. :)