Hello, my name is Liz and I'm addicted to sugar.
You think I'm being silly. But I'm not. This has been a rude awakening. A very rude awakening.
You all should hear the battle in my mind when I am trying to not eat (or break free from) sugar. I can do it... I did it... for a few days. (Do I sound addicted already?) No, seriously. I would like you to re-read this blog post as if I were talking about a real, hard drug. Because even though sugar is completely legal, it is a drug. So let me reword this.
Hello, my name is Liz and I'm addicted to cocaine. I can totally not use it for a few days, so I am sure I have some control over it. But after a little while I can easily convince myself that it would be okay to just have a little bit. Unfortunately, that little bit just makes me want it more. And then before I know it I am totally binging. But, seriously, it's not that big of a deal.
It gives me mood swings and makes my body hurt. But that's okay. Those symptoms always go away eventually.
It makes me feel embarrassed and defeated that I don't have the self-control to give it up for ever and ever. But then I just brush it off and think "at least I'm not on heroine or something worse."
I get headaches if I haven't had any for too long. Good thing I can access it anytime I need to!
It keeps me up at night, but I still choose to have some before bed. It's just so, so good.
I know it's not good for me or my body, so when I have some I make sure my daughter doesn't see. I don't want her to have the same problems I have.
That white, powdery substance just makes you feel good. You can't get it off your mind, and you keep coming back for more. The more you have it, the more you want it! But even when you try to stay away from it, it finds ways to sneak into your life almost daily. What can you do? - Breaking Your Sugar Addiction
I know, that sounds dramatic. But you all, it's serious. This has been a very rude awakening for me and I feel like I have absolutely no self control when it comes to sugar. It is completely bad for my body and after being off of it for a little while, I can totally SEE and FEEL what it does to my body.
Two nights ago I had a serious craving for cookies and cookie dough. I walked through the grocery store (Right after dinner, mind you. So this wasn't a hungry-grocery-store-run) and filled my cart with delicious whole foods, produce, and other essentials. I had just finished my paleo meal planning for the week and I was trying to stay focused. I was in the last aisle before walking to the register and I passed the cookie dough section. Twice. I grabbed a container of cookie dough and put it in my cart. Then I picked it up and read the ingredients. Hmmm... some things I can't pronounce. So, took it out. I decided, if I was going to cheat and if I really wanted cookie dough, then I could make it from scratch at home.
So I did just that. I returned home and made cookie dough. I didn't even bake cookies, you all. I just ATE THE COOKIE DOUGH FOR DINNER.
And here is what followed:
- I had to secretly eat it so as to not be questioned by Tommy.
- Then I started to resent my husband for being my diet babysitter. Ugh. Annoying.
- I tossed and turned all night.
- I woke up with a headache the next morning.
- My spirit felt low and defeated.
- I felt depressed and overwhelmed all day long.
- I could not focus on my work.
- I felt tired and lazy most of the day.
- I had mood swings and pretty much ignored Tommy and Sunday all evening. They were "bothering" me.
I was really, really shocked. I had no idea sugar took such a toll on my body. No wonder I've been a drama queen my whole life. I have been feeding myself drama drugs!!
So... where to go from here. I do not know. I do know that I am just about OVER dietary restrictions right now. I will get back on the saddle of this Paleo challenge and finish it out strong. After that I will try to manage my diet and truly eat in moderation. I don't know if I will need to attempt a Sugar Detox Diet or what... but I do know that I'm not even going to consider it right now. My mind is blown by this simple realization and in due time I will seriously approach the issue. But I'm not mentally ready to tackle it.
Recognizing the problem is the first step, right? (sigh)