The other day Tommy and I were looking through old photos of Sunday. Of course this is something we will be doing for the rest of our lives. But we really got a kick out of these comparisons:
Sunday as a newborn:
Sunday at 3 months:
Sunday now:
Call us "new parents," but we really got a kick out of that middle picture and how it was the exact mix of the earlier and later photos. So fun!
A few weeks ago I bought a Boba carrier so I could wear Sunday on my back and be a lot more productive around the house. It happens to be my most preferred carrier to use while mowing the lawn. It's also super easy to clip and go when I'm in a parking lot and headed some place I would need to carry Sunday (versus sitting her in a shopping cart). I really like my Boba carrier and the versatility it offers. So naturally my little ring sling has been stuffed in the bottom of Sunday's diaper bag for a while "just in case." But it was getting pretty lonely.
Recently I was out working on a project and accidentally left the Boba at home. Times were desperate and I threw Sunday in the ring sling so I could do some shooting while holding her at the same time.
And I fell in love with it all over again. I suddenly remembered why I loved it so much.
Sure, I like that Sunday enjoys it. I like that I can be productive while having her so close to me. I love that it is the best carrier to hold her in when eating out at a restaurant (before she was big enough to sit in a high chair) because I can wear her on my hip instead of on the front or back (which makes booth sitting/eating near impossible). I love that I can nurse successfully and discreetly while also grocery shopping (hehe). I love that it's a neutral color and it goes with anything. Okay, so we get it. I love the sling.
But... it is my favorite because it creates such a bonding environment for us. When she is in the ring sling she curls up next to me and lays her head against me. She isn't asking to eat and she isn't fussing herself to sleep. She is just content. It is our cuddle time without expectations. Just loving one another... feeling safe... being sweet. Lots of kisses are given and loving gazes are shared. And I fall in love over and over again.
With Sunday of course. But also with my ring sling. :)
Here are a few pictures of us the other day sharing some sweet moments. (Thanks for snapping these, Erica!)
Dylan is Sunday's 4 year old cousin. He loves his "Baby Sunday." As I type this he has pulled a stool up to her jumper and he's singing to her... "I said it's Sundaaaaay... I said it's Sundaaay to 'pologize." (Clearly he's trying to sing this song.) And then he falls off of his stool and breaks into a fit of laughter as he watches Sunday giggle at his shenanigans. So, so precious.
A few weeks ago we were babysitting Dylan and I was (breast)feeding Sunday. The following conversation ensued:
Dylan: (said oh-so-innocently) Aunt Liz, when Sunday is done eating can I have a drink?
Me: (hesitantly) Umm... you mean you want milk?
Dylan: (questionably) Yeah?
Me: (Thinking... oh dear. What to do... what to do...) Oh... well... umm... this milk was made special just for baby Sunday's body.
Dylan: (Beginning a fit of giggles) Nooooo! I mean from the 'frigerator!!!
Me: (sighing a huge sigh of relief and laughing along with him) Oooohhh... yes! In just a minute.
Oops!! Oh but it was so adorable... :) I love how much he loves Sunday and how patient he is when we are taking care of her. He just knows that babies take extra special attention and care and he is so sweet to understand her needs.
We are babysitting Dylan and his siblings again this week and Sunday's days have been filled with Dylan bringing her toys, playing with her, putting on shows for her and wrapping her in blankets. I am constantly pulling out my phone to document it all (thank God for cell phone cameras!). Here are a few of my favorite shots (also, I'm thanking God for my being able to finally let go of perfectionism and simply capture the details of life.):
It's my first Mother's Day with my own baby in my arms and it has been a wonderful day! I am so grateful for a holiday that encourages us to appreciate and share our appreciation for some of the most hard working and biggest cheerleaders in our lives. Between my mom, mother-in-law, and a slew of other incredible women in my life, I am so blessed. And now I have my own baby girl to love and nurture in the coming years! I am finally spending more time behind the camera and enjoying capturing this beautiful girl and her fun expressions. I am loving both of my roles as a mother and as a photographer. Life couldn't be better! :)
Happy Mother's Day!
"Don't beat yourself up!"
I've heard the phrase a million times. Don't tear yourself down… give yourself a break. I've SAID it a million times.
It never became real to me until yesterday. I woke up in the morning feeling like I was hit by a truck. Emotionally, physically… the day was not starting off on the right foot. And it was all my fault.
You see, I went to bed late the night before. Later than I have in months. I stayed up late chatting online with some friends. One friend mentioned something about my parenting decisions and set off a downward spiral of emotions, second guessing myself, and eventually tears (the first in months - kind of huge for me).
I tossed and turned all night. I second guessed my decisions. I wondered if I was making life more difficult for Sunday than it needed to be. I wondered if I was being too selfish in my role as a mother. I wondered if even my own mom thought I was not a good mom.
I watched the clock. When will Sunday wake up? I can't wait to hold her, to cuddle her, to put her back to sleep. Because I love her so much and I want her to know it.
I waited for Tommy to wake up. I needed him. I needed his encouragement and reassurance.
I prayed. I prayed for comfort, for encouragement, but most of all for discernment. You see, these recent weeks have been so tough. Sunday is transitioning from sleeping a lot to sleeping a lot less and I am having a hard time deciphering her cries. Is she tired? Hungry? Just learning that she can have opinions and express them? I want to respect her needs and guide her wants. Is she too young for this?
I prayed. I waited. I watched the clock.
When Tommy woke at 4:30am I rolled over and immediately bombarded him with my emotions and concerns. Poor guy. He is such a great father and husband, and he takes my emotions so seriously. He respects them and I am so grateful for it. After talking to him for a bit I picked up a book to read about healthy sleeping habits (for babies, of course). Of course, if I can read and learn more about what is going on in this chapter of her life, I can be better prepared. And that makes me a good mom, right? I read a little bit and waited for Sunday to wake up again. You know, so I could hold her, cuddle her, and soothe her back to sleep.
All of this, so I could reassure myself that I was a good mom.
In the meantime, I was placing all of these doubts on myself. Literally beating myself up emotionally. I have never, in all my life, second guessed myself so much. I spent the rest of the morning in this darkness of questioning my decisions, seeking comfort and encouragement from my mom and husband, and quite frankly, really angry at my friend.
Motherhood can be a lonely, lonely road sometimes. In life, my healing process has always been to talk about issues… talk it through with understanding friends. Whatever the problem, discussing it has always helped me process it. But this time? This time I was so scared. Parenting is such a personal thing. I don't know a single person who would say they agree with 100% of our parenting decisions thus far, but that's mostly because I am afraid to ask. What if they find out some of our decisions and they disagree? It can cause such tension, defensiveness, and insecurity between moms who were once great friends. I've discovered that parenting opinions run deep and are so extremely personal.
Finally, come Sunday's mid-day nap time I decided to take a nap myself. Naturally, a bit of sleep does a body (and mind) good. I woke refreshed, feeling sooo much better. I had clarity, finally. I am a good mom and I know it. I am just a different mom than this friend.
And now… now I know what "beating yourself up" really means. I know how hard it is to stop. I know how lonely motherhood can be. I know how personal parenting decisions are. I know a little bit more about healthy baby sleeping habits. I know how supportive my mom and husband can be.
Just another adventure in life… fine tuning me… teaching me. I am grateful for the lessons learned in the last 36 hours. And now I really know what I am saying when I encourage a friend to not "beat yourself up."
“Liz Cook is an incredibly talented and attentive professional. Her sweet and gentle countenance is paired with her ability to capture the most tender and joyful moments of the births that she photographs. Liz’s photos will bring you years of enjoyment as they draw you back to the delight and bliss of your birth experience.”