It's no surprise that I have always wanted to be a mother. Baby fever is a strong beast and I suffered from it many times before I actually became pregnant. Ironically enough, though... the morning before I found out I was pregnant (I got a positive test around dinner time that day) I actually said something like this to a friend over lunch: "I wonder if I am infertile or somehow unable to have babies... because my feelings towards having children have definitely changed recently and I am beginning to find contentment in my life with the way things are today. Maybe that's God preparing me for something different?"
How funny... less than 8hrs later I was holding a positive pregnancy test result in my hand. God is so funny. :)
Since that day I have struggled to imagine what life will be like with a baby. Some thoughts that cross my mind are: I won't be able to just hop in the car and run to the grocery store as needed, or I won't be able to roll over and go back to sleep in the morning if I have a headache, or I will have to get up in the middle of the night over and over when I really want to just sleep.
I know... selfish thoughts. I'm human. And I'm keeping it real around here.
I have had a hard time remembering all those little things I used to dwell on during bouts of baby fever. Thoughts of cuddles, smells, and sweet moments LOVING my baby. I know that it comes... I know that a baby makes life so different - and so much better. But I'm not really processing it. I am trying to remember... trying to be excited... trying to stop worrying about how hard it will be in the beginning so that I can remember to cherish every little moment ("they are so fleeting"). But... it is challenging right now.
Some of the blogs I've come across lately have really been encouraging and inspiring. I can feel the love in each mama's words and I am so very excited to have that kind of love in my life as well. As someone once said "Children fill a hole in your heart that you didn't even know was there." I can't wait to experience that. Trying to imagine it is not working... I am eager to really feel it and live it out.
So just in case you are also in need of a few emotionally charge, love-filled reads about children: